How to Get Over with Your Ex
(6 Steps to Feeling GOOD Again!)
You can’t eat. You can’t sleep.
Your friends try to cheer you up, but it’s impossible! Your heart is broken, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.
I’ve been there.
The pain that comes from a breakup is absolutely crippling. It reduces even the strongest men and women of our species to tears. If you’re reading this article, you’re probably feeling it right now.
Whether you ended the relationship or your former partner did, it feels horrible. It’s made worse by the fact that you have no idea how long it’s going to last!
If you catch a cold, you can take solace in the fact that no matter how bad it feels, it’ll be gone in a few days. If you break your arm, it’ll be good in a few weeks.
A breakup is different.
Each one is unique because every relationship is unique. There’s no way to predict how long the pain will last. There’s no bandage to cover what feels like an open wound.
Nonetheless, it helps to remember what millions of people have learned through their own suffering:
Time really does heal all wounds.
I know it’s cliché, but it’s true. No matter how bad you’re feeling right now, I promise it won’t last forever.
Healing takes time, and time can heal anything. That’s the case with most injuries, but especially emotional ones. Give yourself enough time, and you WILL start to feel better.
Can I speed it up?
Trying to “think positive” helps, but in the earliest, most painful stages of a breakup, it’s been my experience that time is the only remedy. No one can speed up time, and no one can predict how long it’s going to take.
Why would you want to, though?
A seriously broken heart only happens a few times in your life. This is a rare opportunity for spiritual growth. It’s a chance to learn about life on a deeper level; to become stronger and more resilient to future heart-breaks and tragedy.
This growth is forced upon you – that’s why it’s so painful. And just like the foul tasting cough syrup you were forced to drink as a kid, in the end, it’s good for you.
It sure as hell doesn’t feel like it, though.
How to Get Over with Your Ex:
1. Feel What You Need to Feel.
Don’t cheat yourself by drowning your sorrows in alcohol. Don’t bury it deep inside, or it will eat away at you, embittering you to the world before erupting later in life at an even less convenient time. Handle it now.
Feel it!
Allow yourself time to mourn, and to heal gradually at your own pace.
Pain is the greatest teacher humanity will ever have. Not Socrates. Not Plato. Pain.
Spiritual growth only comes from suffering.
What Heroes are Made Of
When I was a kid, I admired world champion boxers because they seemed invincible. I envied the fact that they were faster, stronger, and more talented than their opponents. They made fighting look easy!
Now that I’m older and wiser, I don’t admire them as much.
It’s easy to fight when your opponent is slower and weaker than you.
It’s not as courageous as the guy who steps in the ring knowing he’s over-matched, but fights anyway. It’s not as courageous as the person who willingly endures a savage beating, and doesn’t quit!
The only true strength in life is mental strength – the ability to endure pain and suffering, and to keep going because it’s the honorable thing to do.
Real heroes take beatings!
You’re taking a beating right now.
How well you handle it is a mark of your spiritual development. Endure the pain now, and I promise when the smoke clears, you’ll be even stronger, wiser, and better able to handle adversity.
You’ll become a better, more powerful version of yourself, which is the whole point of life in my opinion.
How to Get Over with Your Ex:
2. Let Go of Them.
Psychologically letting go of your ex is difficult, but it’s even harder if you’re constantly being reminded of them.
Put away their pictures. Get rid of anything that reminds you of them.
Block them on social media! If they ask why, tell them it’s a good move for both of you. It’s to help you guys move on. And for f*ck sake, stop checking on their profile!
In fact, get off social media entirely. There are a million reasons to get off social media, but letting go of your ex might be the best one.
Don’t rely on willpower to stop you from “Internet stalking” your ex. Unless you get away from social media altogether, you’ll be like a drug addict trying to quit heroin while keeping a drawer full of it!
Remove temptation!
And while you’re at it, block their phone number, too!
If you don’t block their phone number, then every time it rings you’ll wonder if it’s your ex calling to apologize. Every time you get a text message, you’ll wonder if it’s them trying desperately to reconnect with you. Stop torturing yourself!
Your brain needs to know that when the phone rings, there is NO chance it’s your ex, so it can STOP wondering. The longer you go without thinking of your ex, the better.
How to Get Over with Your Ex:
3. Reframe the Situation in a Positive Way
How you interpret the events of your life determines the quality of your life.
You can choose to see your breakup as being your fault, or their fault, or a big waste of time. You can tell yourself you’ll never find someone “perfect” like them again.
Or, you can do right thing!
See the relationship as a valuable learning experience, something that’s made you stronger and smarter, and more able to identify and appreciate a better partner in the future.
Be thankful the relationship is over, because wasting more time on it would have only made you resentful throughout the years, and full of regret for not having left sooner.
Because of this breakup, you’ve got the opportunity to meet someone better. Don’t waste it!
The next person might be your soul mate, and there’s only one way to find out! Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
How to Get Over with Your Ex:
4. Remember the BAD times!
In the midst of a breakup, there’s a temptation to re-imagine your ex as some perfect, ideal being. You remember all the fun you had, and forget all the fights.
You forget all of the legitimate reasons why the two of you are a BAD match.
Make a list!
Write down all of their flaws. Write down all of the reasons the two of you are a bad match.
Read this list to yourself over and over. Train yourself to stop seeing them as “perfect!”
The goal isn’t to hate your ex. It’s to remember why you broke up, and to understand that if you stayed longer, things would have only gotten worse.
Remember, people don’t break up for no reason!
How to Get Over with Your Ex:
5. There's More Fish in the Sea!
There are over 7 billion people in the world.
That’s a lot of people you might connect with on a deep level. You just need to find them. You’ve done it before. You can do it again!
I know that right now, your ex seems special.
Maybe that’s true to an extent, but your newly broken heart tends to exaggerate things. That’s often the result of inexperience.
Only after you’ve had a few long-term relationships can you discover precisely what characteristics you need in a partner, and what characteristics are absolute deal breakers. Now is the time to gain that experience by getting out there and meeting people.
See how different personalities make you feel. Have fun. Don’t take dating too seriously.
When you’re ready to fall in love again, you’ll know it.
How to Get Over with Your Ex:
6. The Role of Affirmations
Hearing advice on how to get over with your ex is great, but you’ve got to internalize these thoughts so that they guide your feelings and behavior.
Mike Tyson once said, “Everyone’s got a plan until they get punched in the face.”
That’s true not just in boxing, but in life. We consider ourselves positive thinkers, but when we’re hurt, we revert right back to negative thought patterns, and it’s hard to break out of them.
Read the affirmations on this page. Watch the video.
Fill your brain with positive thoughts about your situation.
By filling your brain with affirmations, you can block out the negativity for a few minutes. In the midst of a broken heart, even 5 minutes reprieve is invaluable, but the benefits don’t stop there.
The more time you spend with your affirmations, the more a permanent change in your thinking will occur!
You’ll start to internalize all the reasons breaking up with your ex was a requirement for your sanity. You’ll see the whole ordeal as a learning experience, and you’ll look forward to finding someone more compatible.
How to Get Over with Your Ex:
The Method
Read the affirmations at the bottom of this page for 5 minutes straight.
You can print the PDF, or watch the video. Both methods are extremely effective and have unique benefits. For the best results, do both!
When you work on your affirmations, it’s important to go some place quiet where you won’t be disturbed. Silence your phone.
If you’re using the printout, set a countdown timer, so your mind is free to focus on what you’re reading, instead of wondering how much time has elapsed.
5 Minutes, minimum.
The more time you spend reading these affirmations, the less time you spend on guilt, blame, anger, or regret. No one can instantly relieve your suffering, but thinking negatively never helped anyone. Keep forcing positive thoughts into your brain, and sooner or later, they take over.
Do the Affirmations.
They’ll prevent you from wallowing in sadness any longer than is absolutely necessary for your spiritual progression. In time, you’ll feel better. You’ll find someone new to fall in love with, and life will feel magical again.
Everything in it’s time. For now, though, all you have to do is ENDURE.
Hang in there!
Good luck.
-Tommy
AFFIRMATIONS TO
GET OVER YOUR EX
- Time heals all wounds.
- Not every relationship is meant to last forever.
- I’m a very loving person, and I deserve to be with someone who loves me back!
- My ex was a bad match for me. Now I can find someone better!
- Staying in a bad relationship ruins people. I’m glad I got out!
- There’s always more fish in the sea.
- I’m happy to be single and free! I’ll fall in love again when the time is right.
- I’m moving on in order to find someone I truly vibe with.
- Every relationship is an opportunity to learn, and I’ve learned a lot from this one.
- I’ve moved on from my ex, both mentally and emotionally.
(Truly moving on from your ex means forgiving them for the pain they’ve caused you. Please see affirmations for forgiveness.)
(For more on how to get over a long term relationship, click here.)