Why am I so self-conscious?
Get rid of insecurity once and for all!
You walk into a party. You look around.
Everyone seems to already know each other. You hardly know anyone.
Everyone seems to be in a cluster of tight-knit friends, and they’re having a blast! You’re not having a blast.
You feel awkward and out of place. You feel like everyone is looking at you. Judging you. Observing how lame you dress. How awkwardly you stand. How aloof you seem.
You feel like everyone can take one glance at you, and see how uncool you are. You want to go home.
What’s going on?
You’re self-conscious, and it’s destroying your social life!
Why do some people seem to possess a kind of magic that makes them likable to everyone they meet?
They make friends easily. They start conversations easily. They always know what to say.
At the same time, people like you and me struggle. We’ve never developed into social butterflies with tons of friends, party invitations, and the admiration from everyone we meet.
We never learned out to get past our self-consciousness!
In this article, I’ll explain why you feel self-conscious. More importantly I’ll give you a simple method of eradicating it, so you can finally start to enjoy meeting people and improving your social life.
Why am I so self-conscious:
The Heart of the Problem
You say you’re “shy,” and it’s true. You ARE shy. But what does that mean?
The word “shy” doesn’t convey enough information to suggest a solution. It suggests some sort of inherent personality trait that can’t be changed. That’s why people who define themselves as shy tend to get stuck like that.
Allow me provide a better explanation of what’s happening; an explanation that actually suggests a solution.
You’re self conscious because you’re focusing too much on your own feelings, and not enough on how other people feel.
It’s that simple.
Why am I so self-conscious:
Why am I like this?
Maybe it’s because you lack of experience with parties and other social gatherings. Maybe it’s the result of being teased when you were young. Maybe you were in a relationship for so long, you just don’t remember how to make friends.
Whatever the case is, don’t worry!
Learning to be less self-conscious, and more confident socially, is something anyone can do, regardless of age or experience. It’s just a skill like anything else.
You can learn to feel confident with strangers. You can learn to make friends, easily, in any social situation. It’s not hard!
All it takes is a little training. All it takes is a change of focus.
I’ll show you how.
Why am I so self-conscious:
Everyone feels it.
The first thing you’ve got to understand is that all people feel insecure, especially at parties.
Everyone thinks everyone else is looking at them, judging them, sizing them up. Insecurity distorts your perception. It makes everyone at the party look so much cooler than you! So much more confident!
Are they really, or do you just perceive them that way?
Insecurity causes you to obsess over how you look, how you act, and what you say. You try to be perfect, because you feel like everyone is judging you.
Want to know what everyone’s really thinking?
They’re obsessed with their own insecurities! They think you’re judging them!
Why am I so self-conscious:
Your mind plays tricks on you.
Self consciousness makes you freeze.
It makes you think so hard about what to say, you don’t say anything at all.
It makes you frown, unconsciously, so people are intimidated by you, and leave you alone.
It distorts your perception, making it hard to see all the other wall-flowers struggling to socialize, hoping someone, ANYONE, would walk up and talk to them.
It makes it hard to notice the couples who look happy at first glance, but are really just standing around, bored like you, waiting to leave.
It stops you from noticing how hard the host of the party is working to make people have fun. She’s trying desperately to get everyone to socialize, so that her party is a success and not a flop.
There’s so much going on beneath the surface in any social situation, but you can’t see it! Not when all you can think about is how uncomfortable you feel.
Why am I so self-conscious:
Focusing on yourself makes you anxious, so change your focus!
Try this.
The next time you’re uncomfortable, concentrate on making OTHER PEOPLE feel comfortable.
Smile. Ask them about themselves. Whatever they say, be interested!
Find a genuine reason to compliment them on something, then compliment them. Not a huge compliment. Just one.
The idea is to psychologically disarm them. Make them feel more comfortable. Make them feel like opening up.
Doing this will accomplish 3 things, all of them good:
1. It will put you in the mindset where you forget all about yourself, and you start focusing on others. It takes the microscope off of you, so to speak, and puts it on someone else – not in a bad way, but in a good way; a way that boosts the other person’s self-esteem, and puts them in a social mood.
Taking the spotlight off yourself automatically makes you less self-conscious!
2. By showing a person that, in some way, you like them, they’ll unconsciously look for reasons to like you back. It’s very subtle, but it’s human nature; they can’t help it.
All it takes is a small, sincere compliment, and even the stiffest, most defensive wall-flower will start to open up and become your ally.
3. The more times you practice this strategy, the more positive social experiences you’re going to rack up. After a while, you’re confidence will begin to soar. You’ll start to think of yourself as one of those magical people who gets along with everybody!
Remember, the key is to stop thinking about yourself, and to start thinking about others.
Why am I so self-conscious:
Stop trying to be perfect!
Stop trying to be perfect.
Perfect is boring. Perfect is lame. What is perfect, anyway? Acting like everyone else? Looking like everyone else?
What a boring way to live!
So many great people had unusual personality quirks: Albert Einstein and Nikola Tesla. Jimi Hendrix and Mozart.
The greatest painters, poets, and philosophers stand out in history because they broke from the norms, not because they conformed. Their achievements were a product of their personalities.
Therefore, I say be a weirdo! Be unorthodox. Be a little strange.
It’s good for you!
It’s a hell of a lot more fun than trying to say the perfect thing all the time. It’s more fun than trying to handle every social encounter flawlessly, or dodging awkward situations like it’s the bubonic plague.
A little awkwardness is healthy.
Why?
Because it desensitizes you to awkwardness! That’s an ongoing, lifelong process. You can’t stop and let yourself get re-sensitized.
Keep exposing yourself. Welcome awkwardness. Stop judging yourself so harshly.
Give yourself permission to be a weirdo, and I guarantee you’ll stop feeling so self-conscious about it!
Why am I so self-conscious:
By the way, how old are you?
If you’re in your teens or early 20’s, guess what?
You’re supposed to feel self conscious right now. There’s nothing wrong with that.
Don’t buy into the “professionals” who say you need to overhaul your entire physical and psychological existence in order improve how you feel (at a nice profit to themselves, of course).
Just keep doing the things I’ve told you to do, give it time, and little by little, you’ll get over it.
It does take time, though. Even then, don’t expect yourself to feel ever “perfect,” whatever that means. Especially not at this stage in your life.
Enjoy the journey.
Becoming less self-conscious is a lifelong process. The older you get, the more experience you gain, the less you’ll care about what other people think of you. That’s just the way it goes; ask any “old person.”
That kind of “I-just-don’t-give-a-damn-what-anyone-thinks-of-me” attitude can’t be handed to you. You have to earn it by living long enough, and by slowly observing over the years that no one – NO ONE – is perfect.
Why am I so self-conscious:
Does everything I’ve told you seem easier said than done?
Don’t worry!
I’m about to teach you a method for literally programming your mind to be less self conscious, and more confident.
Less focused on how shy you feel, and more focused on helping other people overcome their shyness.
The method is thousands of years old. It’s used by professional athletes, brain surgeons, and fighter pilots.
It’s easy. It’s free.
Now it’s yours.
Why am I so self-conscious:
Affirmations make you less self-conscious!
Repeat any thought often enough, and it eventually becomes a habit to think it.
If you tell yourself to be less self-conscious, more confident, and more comfortable socially, sooner or later, you’ll start to feel and behave that way.
All it takes is repetition, and whatever feelings and behaviors your affirm will start to come automatically to you; you won’t even have a choice!
How is this possible?
Affirmations work by altering your subconscious mind. The subconscious doesn’t know what’s real or fake. Show it a horror movie, and it makes your palms sweat and your heart race, exactly as if those images on the screen were real.
Your subconscious mind takes whatever information you feed it, and makes you behave accordingly. No one chooses to jump out of their seat when a monster appears on the screen; it happens automatically!
Affirmations are a way of hacking your subconscious mind!
It’s a way of giving your brain new instructions on how to feel and behave, so that you can alter your personality (and your life) for the better.
Why am I so self-conscious:
New thoughts for a new you!
The affirmations on this page are designed to get you in the habit of thinking in a manner that decreases self-consciousness, and increases confidence, especially in social situations.
It focuses on changing how you think about yourself, others, and what your supposed to do during social encounters.
Most of us go into social situations with no gameplan; no strategy. I’m not saying you should interact with people as if you’re working from a playbook, but you should have a general idea of what you’re supposed to do:
1. Be interested in the other person. (Don’t just act interested; try to actually BE interested.)
2. Give them a compliment. (Just a subtle, small compliment, but make sure it’s sincere. Otherwise, you might set off someone’s BS detector.)
3. Find some things in common to talk about.
And that’s pretty much it!
Remember, the key is to all of this is to get your attention off yourself, and place it onto them!
Why am I so self-conscious:
The Method
Read the following affirmations for 5 minutes straight!
You can print the PDF sheet and read it while lying somewhere comfortable, or you can watch the video. Both are effective. For the quickest results, I recommend using both.
If you’re reading the PDF, set a countdown timer. That way, you can focus 100% on reading the affirmations, instead of frequently wondering how much time has elapsed.
5 minutes is the minimum, but the more time you spend on affirmations, the better.
Most people start feeling less self-conscious after only 1 or 2 sessions, but these thoughts will become stronger and stronger in you with time.
How do you know when the affirmations are working?
You know the affirmations are working when you feel less self-conscious!
You know they’re working when you stop thinking about whether your clothes look perfect, and you start to compliment other people on theirs.
You won’t dodge parties anymore. You’ll see them as an opportunity to have fun practicing your new skills.
When someone tells you about the car they just bought, you won’t try one up them by talking about your own car. Instead, you’ll congratulate them on their latest purchase. You’ll let them know how cool their new car is.
Do the affirmations.
Make people feel good about themselves, and the whole world will open up for you.
Good luck!
-Tommy
Affirmations to Feel Less Self-Conscious!
- I love social situations!
- I can always think of a sincere compliment to give people.
- I’m great with people! I’m great at making friends.
- Every social encounter is a chance to practice my skills!
- I pay attention to how awkward other people feel. I try to make them feel comfortable.
- I don’t want to be perfect. I prefer to be me!
- Every interaction is a game to me. It’s fun getting strangers to open up about themselves.
- I like to talk about things I have in common with people.
- I’m great in social situations, because I know how to make other people feel good about themselves.
- A little awkwardness is normal! I wouldn’t have it any other way.